The Geometry of Relationships

The normal expectation for a new relationship is to bring it to the level we want and expect and then “get on with it”. It really doesn’t matter if this relationship is for business, social or romance. We do this every day in our daily lives. For instance, whenever we go to a store, whether we ask the clerk to help us choose our desired item or we bring our choices to the cashier to pay, we expect immediate attention and completion.

In terms of geometry, this approach is called coming at someone perpendicular, e.g., right angles.

In perpendicular business, we want and expect our interactions to execute immediately. Of course, we hope for a successful outcome but, if this is not going to happen, we want to know immediately so that we can move on to our next prospect.

In perpendicular social meetings, we want and expect our interchange to be interesting and the person(s) to be “collectable”; i.e., we can add them to our group of potential friends or colleagues.  If this potential doesn’t exist, even after only one occasion, we rarely seek a follow-up meeting.

In perpendicular romance (pardon the visual), we want and expect our encounters to be successful from the beginning and in all circumstances whether it’s dinner, dancing, a movie or the eventual intimate interlude. If it’s not, our “partner” is toast.

This “all or nothing at all” attitude rarely serves us well.

An alternative approach can be called approaching someone tangentially; e.g., alongside.

In tangential business, social meetings or romance, we “walk alongside” someone for awhile to get to know them better.

In tangential business, this means listening to our customers to find out what they really need.

In tangential social meetings, this means listening closely to discover our common interests.

In tangential romance, this means getting to know our potential partner by listening, seeking common interests and seeing them in a variety of situations without prejudgment.

While tangential approach may take a longer time, the quality and value of our relationships increases and the outcome can be permanent.